Şərqi mətn: when monks laugh at their culinary achievements

Fast — a serious matter. Spiritual purification, abstinence, prayer. It seems that where can there be room for jokes? However, if you look at the monastic culture, folk anecdotes and even old monastery jokes, it turns out that a smile is a frequent guest even during the strictest fast. Humor helps to relieve tension, does not allow you to fall into melancholy and reminds us that it is important to maintain a human face even in the most serious matter. In this article, we have collected the funniest, warmest and most recognizable jokes about fasting — those that monks could tell each other at the table if they were allowed to laugh out loud.

Why monks laugh: humor as a medicine against melancholy

Saints often said that melancholy is one of the most dangerous sins, especially during the fast. When the stomach growls and the soul is longing, it is very easy to fall into despair. It is here that humor becomes a saving anchor. Monks knew: if you do not laugh at your weaknesses, they will start to control you. Therefore, there were always their own \"culinary jokes\" — stories about how brother Ivan mixed salt with sugar, how father Nikodim tried to bake a fasting cake, but it turned out to be \"something\", and how the abbot, tasting the fasting meal, said: \"Delicious, but I want more.\"

Of course, this was not just for the sake of laughter. This was a good, forgiving laugh at one's own weakness. And it is such humor that we are collecting today.

Jokes about fasting food: when a cabbage patty is a feat

The most popular topic of monastic jokes is, of course, food. More precisely, what replaces it during fasting. Without meat, milk and eggs, culinary experiments turn into an actual adventure.

When a fasting person says: \"I ate a patty,\" he means a cabbage one. But he is still happy.

Recipe for a fasting cake: take flour, water, salt, add hope that it will be delicious, and bake.

Fasting soup is when vegetables float in a pot, and you try to guess which one is meat. But there is none.

A monk complains to the abbot: \"Father, I have been eating fasting food for a week, and it seems to me that I have become like this soup — transparent and tasteless.\" The abbot replies: \"Endure, my son. But you will shine like prosphoras in the altar.\"

About substitutions: when water becomes milk and nuts become meat

Substitutions are a separate genre of monastic humor. Monks know very well that soy milk is not milk, and nut cheese is not cheese. But they pretend that it is almost the same. And this game of self-deception gives rise to many funny situations.

If you add a little vanilla to oat milk, it becomes almost like the real thing. Almost.

Tofu is not meat. But if you fry it well with garlic, it starts to behave like meat. And even smell almost like meat. Almost.

A monk sits at the table, tries a fasting salad and says: \"Father, are you sure this is not meat?\" The abbot replies seriously: \"I am sure. If it were meat, it would not smile like that.\"

When you are fasting and you very much want milk, it seems that even water from the tap can become milky if you think about a cow.

Monastery dialogues: the witty answers of the abbot

The abbot in a monastery is not only a spiritual mentor but also the main \"humor manager.\" His answers to the culinary complaints of the brotherhood often become catchphrases.

\"Father, can I have a piece of fish? I really want it.\" — \"Ask God. He knows what is better for you. And if He sends fish, it means you are ready. If not — it means you are not yet ready for it.\"

Brother Ivan complains: \"Father, I am tired of porridge!\" The abbot: \"You are tired of porridge, and the saints were tired of milk in the desert. And they survived.\"

Brother asks: \"Father, can I eat an apple during fasting?\" The abbot: \"You can, but do not overdo it. Otherwise, they will say that this monk has eaten apples and become proud.\"

Jokes about hypocrisy: when fasting is not just about food

Of course, monks understand that fasting is not just about giving up milk. It is about giving up malice, judgment, empty words. And here humor becomes even more subtle, because it is aimed at our own hypocrisy.

I can not eat meat, but I condemn everyone who eats it. And I seem to be praying, but in my thoughts I have already quarreled with everyone. And so the whole fast.

How to understand that you are not just fasting, but really fasting? When you, instead of eating an extra piece, say: \"Lord, forgive me for this thought.\" And at the same time feel hungry.

Monks joke: \"Fasting is when you do not eat meat, but at the same time mentally eat everyone who irritates you.\" This is the most common mistake of beginners.

Culinary failures: when fasting food becomes a meme

In every monastery there are legends about unsuccessful fasting dishes. These stories are passed from mouth to mouth and become part of local folklore.

Once brother Nikodim decided to bake a fasting cake. He replaced the butter with apple puree, eggs with flaxseed, and sugar with fructose. The result was something unclear. But it was edible. Almost. The abbot, trying it, said: \"I do not know what it is, but it is definitely fasting. Because it cannot be tasty.\"

A monk asked the cook for the recipe for a fasting salad. The cook thought for a moment and said: \"Replace the meat with tofu, eggs with peas, and sausage with carrots. It will be almost salad. If you close your eyes.\"

Once brother Alexiy decided to make a fasting mayonnaise. He tried all the recipes: on soy milk, on oat milk, on aquafaba. In the end, he got something that looked more like glue than sauce. But he ate it so that it would not go to waste.

Modern jokes about fasting: when everyone laughs on social media

Today, jokes about fasting have gone beyond the walls of monasteries. On the Internet, you can find thousands of memes that accurately describe the feelings of a fasting person. And in every such joke there is a bit of truth and a lot of love.

Fasting is when you look at pizza and think: \"It is a sin.\" Then add: \"But what a sweet sin!\"

I am fasting. I look at recipes for fasting dishes. They look beautiful, but I know that they are tasteless. But I will try. And if it does not work out, I will fast further.

The most difficult thing about fasting is not to eat meat. And the easiest thing is to eat everything else, but with a sense of guilt.

Why we love to joke about fasting

Jokes about fasting are a way to admit that we are all imperfect. That we try, but sometimes we fail. That we want to be better, but we love to eat. Laughter about fasting is not blasphemy, but honesty. It is an admission that we are people, with our weaknesses and desires. And if we can laugh at ourselves, it means we have not lost a sense of reality. And a sense of reality is what helps us not to take ourselves too seriously and not to fall into melancholy.

So, fasting is not only a time of strictness, but also a time of a smile. Because even the saints knew: when the stomach is empty, the soul should be full of light. And if this light is warm, good humor, then fasting becomes joyful. Enjoy your meal (in the figurative sense)!

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